today, is my mother birthday

She thought i didn't buy her present

And said that i am so "niao piao"

it mean stingy in hokkien, i think

Well the truth is i am - i admit

But i am not stingy to a point to not buy her present

I brought her present every year yet she doubt me this time

I must've act rather muddle well

As when i gave her the ferero i gave, i can see tears rolling in her eyes - i rush down stair to buy while she went to gramps house, tricky aren't i?

I went back mapping yesterday and neglected zodiac

I was almost half way done with... Route 115, i think

And nee, a gm, my cyber friend as me if i can do him a favour

he did ask me if i am busy but i lied, as i really hate to reject my friends in need

So i help him mapped national park

The first map is a failure and disastorous

I forgoten a border for the left corner of the map

Hence, i have to remap the whole thing all over

lucky enough, i completed before i went out with my family to celebrate my mum birthday

I was unable to sent it to him though as the forum disallow it

Sending via email, made me worried that he might miss it - overall i am just paranoid

I was silly to think tommorrw is saturday and sms routing saying "see you tommorrow"

Oh my god, that was silly of me

some weird guys are adding me in msn

And they want to strip cam with me, what the hell

Go watch porn site if they need to be horny

And hands off my msn, damn

One of them even have girl friend and did it while his girl is out-how pathetic

I am rather disturb that i have used all my effort and sincerity to appeal in many way to R.P. (REPUBLIC POLYTHECNIC)

YET they replied me with a identical reply constantly

Which show the attittude and sincerity they treat towards my appeal

I seriously understand clearly why local talent seek overboard to study and jobs

As local don't really surpport talent much

It's more on educational standard and on those who is more rich

You can't blame me to think this way as it is clearly what i see

The rich can seek for private education what about the poor?

Being less capable in studying does not mean that they do not have the talent

I felt that many talent have been buried under the blanket due to the "unfairity" set up

I know this may seem contridicting but i don't believed in perfetcion not to say fairness

Non of those existed in hundred percent

Still i am aware that in singapore it is the grade that and money coming first before talent

No money no talk

My friend whose grade isn't as well as mine has the oppotunity to opp for school of art while i can't as my family could not afford

And another friend who is well in his other subject yet fail english and need not worried for not getting a place in local as his family could afford to sent him to canada for furthur studies

But i can't and am stuck to hitec with limited course due to my inideal grade oF E8

Yet again i felt that, yes, it is partialy my fault to be obsess in cyber space

But with my obsession my second chance was a limited nitec course?

I tried, well my mother, tried to made me avoid the fate of going there by encouraging me to enter normal acadamic from normal technical

Which i clearly understand it was a chance to "sian yu fan shen"

If you were like me whom neglected my primary 1 - 6 studies and with a family who hardly spoke to me -as everyone is busy

How will i be able to be good in my language when my basic is like shited to an extent

I really don't understand with my deliema, contridiction, my logic... What ever you call them

But these thought have been haunting me deep in my heart

IS THERE NOTHING WHICH I CAN DO BUT THEN TO FACE FATE THAT I AM BORN WITH HAUNTING MIS-FORTUNATE

THIS SHALL NOT BE THE END AS I AM STAYING STRONG TO BEAT MY DESTINATED FATE

I'm going back to read my Twilight as it gave me the virtual delight in a non-existance world - in another way it could improve my english standard