TODAY SUCKS LIKE HELL

Okay i woke up at the usual time [5:45 am]

thought school start one hour later [8+ am]

as my parent ask me to wake up early as the whole family need to use the toilet

so i just figured i would wake up at usual time

to study

i study Chem for awhile and i fall back to sleep heh

as i was far too sleepy

i slept at 11pm+ last night

i was not in the mood to study or do work at all today

but yet i have to

though some of the other friends of mine find my grade is quite ok

but i am certainly not satisfied at all

but yet i am doing nothing about it

i told myself Cynthia stop thinking it is the old time where you are in normal tech

but i just could not stick to what i had plan

as i hate to study

well nobody like to study

well in contra i love to learn a lot

my step dad [well i call him daddy]

said do not give myself too much pressure

all he want is i pass that all

but when my mum spoke...

those stuff she said just sound to me she has high expectation on me

she want me to ace my subject

[i do not know why my tears are starting to pour]

she was never happy for me when i told her my grade

not even when i am in NT

i was force to go NA i didn't want to

and some how i felt my grandfather wanted me to go as well

[he pass away not long after the day where i got my promotion result]

i am a disappointment to them

i really am

i use to felt power is everthing

but now i realized

not so

happiness is

but why is happiness so hard to archived i asked myself

and the answer to it is

i was never satisfied with what i had

i had always wanted more

and that is why i am so unhappy all my life

i thought life is unfair

even though i knew life can never be fair

i have a very complex mind i like to argue with myself heh

ok let me talk about what had happen after school today

Mdm Shue was at the same busstop waiting for her bus and i am waiting for mine

she told me yet again for the freaking 5 or more time

about my B syllabus Chinese

i just answer her with an en ah or

thought i know she is just trying to be "nice" but it is just a little irritating

but some  day i would be old like her and be long winded as well heh

who knows

ok then when she finish her speech i put back my ear phone to continued with my music

and she walk some step back 

and back again to ask me stuff

Mdm Shue asked: During Ft period did any thing special happen???

I pause for a while and tried to recalled

i replied: yes!! Canning by Mr Ong

Mdm Shue asked: all 4 of them are cane??

I replied: No!! only firman was cane as he was the only one whom own up

[well i was there and witness it. firman was the only one who is trying to hit her with the paper ball. i felt bad as i did not stop him as i could not be bother and i even laugh when he hit her]

Mdm Shue walk away with a grin on her face

as that what she had wanted [ i know this because she keep saying about it]

deep down here what i think

what kind of teacher is this heh

though firman is in the wrong

but there is no need to be so xin jai le huo and wanting your student to be cane

well to me firman has really mature along the years [though he is still quite immature at times heh]

su hua suo de hao jiang shang neng gai ben xing nan yi

i really hate myself a lot i wish i could be more sticky to what that i had wanted to do

haix HAIX haix HAIX